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Fantasy Football Update Week 7

October 20, 2009

Once again my Fantasy Football Team went against a top contender (Ben Roethlisberger) and got screwed over. So in our fucked up league, the Special Teams touchdowns go to the Defense instead of the player… But the player still gets return yardage points? So I started Eddie Royal. Needless to say, he got my opponent 12 points for his return touchdowns and only 6 points for me.

You throw in the fact that Philadelphia ruined a $150, 3-team Parlay that I was going to hit if they could beat the worst team in the league by 2 TDs like the Giants did and the fact that the Jets knocked me out of my suicide pool. And Logic is not very happy. Oh and did we mention that Notre Dame, New York Giants and Yankees all lost within 3 days of each other? Yeah. I’ve been cutting myself since Saturday and our cunt crack team of writers has been reminding me of it all day.

Btw: I’m getting destroyed in this league as well due to BYE weeks. Just as a p.s.

Top Performers:

QB: Tom Brady- Owned by Punter and Brandon. Have you heard of Tom Brady? He’s this no-name QB out of Michigan who split time and got drafted with the 199th pick overall. He’s supposed to suck. Doesn’t he get it? Well he threw 6 touchdowns yesterday and 380 yards. Most of that in 1 quarter of football. Pretty much all of it before half-time.

QB: Drew Brees-375 total yards and 4 TDs for the near perfect Brees against the Gmen. Hope your real proud of yourself, Tunison.

QB: Ben Roethlisberger- 428 total yards, 2 TD and 1 INT for Shiancock.

QB: Matt Schaub- 392 yards 3 TDs and 1 INT for Dr. Kra.

RB: Ray Rice- Owned by P/b. 184 total yards and 2 TDs for their bench. HA! That’s what you get for being an important blogger and going to Las Vegas without me!

RB: MJD: 178 total yards, 3 TDs and 1 lost fumble for Andrew Bucholtz. Even though he still hasn’t listened to Uncle Logic and started Joshua Cribbs yet…

RB: Thomas Jones- 227 total yards and 1 TD in the pathetic loss to the Bills for Max Payne.

RB: dEaNGELO Williams- 172 yards and 2 TDs for Max as well.

WR: Randy Moss- 129 yards and 3 TDs in the brutal beat down of the Titans for Rob from WI.

WR: Marques Colston- 166 yards and 1 TD in the rout of my Giants. Owned by Flubby.

WR: Welkahhh- 150 yards and 2 TDs as the security binky for Tom Brady and Ape.

WR: Eddie Royal- Owned by Gally. This lucky Canadian some how started him in this league which DOES get points for return yards and TDs… So that’s twice I’m fucked with this one.

Bad Starts:

Miles Austin and Ronnie Brown- Owned by P/b. They both had Byes. These guys were in Vegas so fuck us right?

Steve Smith (Carolina)- Bucholtz- Got him 0.40 points in the run happy offense of the Panthers. Even though the Giants Steve Smith didn’t play well either, he didn’t play this bad.

Willis McGahee- Owned by James Brown. Earned him less than a point.

Matt Hasselbeck- Gimp… in the week of the QBs you manage to earn 1.68 points. You need a shit ton of ritalin and a fantasy guide my friend…

Nate Washington- Had -22 yards receiving for Punter and Brandon. They’ve made this list a lot today…

Julius Jones, Mercedes Lewis- Flubby, Jones had 5 yards for you. I have more ether rags than that. Lewis? Yep. 5 yards as well. Combined for a point.

Rob Bironas- Nailed 0 points for James Brown during the shut out in New England.

Denver- Somehow has -5 points for Ape even though they only gave up 24 points and have 1 sack. I don’t know what that’s about.

Bad Sits:

Ray Rice- Owned by P/b. He could have started for Ronnie Brown and he had 184 total yards and 2 TDs.

Jon Stewart (not the funny/handsome one)- Owned by Rob. Had his breakout performance of the year with 110 yards and 1 TD. Who was going to predict that? I sure as hell wouldn’t. But I needed to fill space. Sorry Rob.

Zach Miller- Maximus sat him during his 139 yard, 1 TD performance. He was most likely the sole reason the Raiders beat the Eagles. Well that and Andy Reid spilling mustard all over his play sheet.

Good Starts:

Eddie Royal- Gally lucked out with this one, in his otherwise unimpressive week against a poor wittle team with BYE week troubles. I guess every dog has his day. Maybe he’ll touch a boob soon?

Good Sits:

New York Giants- Flubby has the Giants and didn’t start them v. the Powerhouse that is New Orleans. Unfortunately, I’m not that keen of a fantasy player and started them in my money league because of that whole #1 defense ranking and all. So what happens when an unstoppable force meets an unmovable object? Let’s just say something fucking moved.

Reggie Wayne, Marion Barber, Tashard Choice, Vernon Davis, Nacho Sanchez and Chansi Stuckey- Owned by Logic. Great sits for me. All combined for .36 of a point. (4 had a BYE, I just really wanted to make my own list).

Pick Up of the Week

This week I’m going with Tom Brady. If he’s open in your league… Grab this guy! Just kidding. No one flew under the radar this week and therefore I don’t have a pick of the week (Jermichael Finley didn’t have a break out week. He just played OKAY for Dr. Kra who did take my advice, which I like. P.S. More like JERKmichael, am I right Doc?)

Ok that wraps it up for me. Of course the Monday night game is still going on and if you didn’t start Eddie Royal or Darren Sproles you were a silly goose. Or in my money leagues’ case, Broncos and Chargers.

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