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F(*)(*)k ’em Up Friday: Bloggin’ with Your Balls Edition

October 16, 2009

Fuck ’em up Friday is a weekly post that occurs, you guessed it, every Friday. Bringing you some of the best knockouts, submissions, and knockers that the inter-webs have to offer. It’s basically my way of glorifying violence, as well as giving in to the urges of my pre-pubescent inner child. Yeah, that’s how I roll.

Blogs with Balls is currently taking place in Las Vegas, Nevada. For those unfamiliar, it’s a blogging convention where some of the most computer savvy and socially inept people gather to discuss sports, blogs and get utterly bombed. For many bloggers, this is the only time they’ll actually put on pants and leave their apartments.   Sadly, due to my proba-….Uh lack of funds I was unable to attend. Lack of funds is a good explanation, let’s go with that and get on to the goods, shall we?

Vodpod videos no longer available.

By no stretch of the imagination is that the bestest knockout ever. It does, however, have one of the best reactions from a guy who gets KTFO.

Most traditional knockouts involve one of two reactions: 1) One where the guy is completely knocked out. There is no getting up for at least a few minutes. Drool usually seeps out of their mouth and starts to pool on the mat. They will have a total lapse in memory and maybe run the risk of some brain damage. And they could quite possibly lose control of their bowels. Not to mention they blankly stare up at the lights thinking they’re back in the 2nd grade; Or 2) Lose consciousness for a split second – long enough for the ref to say, “No need for him to turn into Gary Busey or Terri Schiavo…I should probably call it.” At which point, the loser of consciousness hops up once they regain said lost-consciousness and ask the ref, usually in a pissed off manor, “Why the fuck did you stop it? I was totally fine. That was my strategy. Rope-a-Dope. Make him think that I’m unconscious, then spring into action.” Then the refs says, “Bro you shit your pants!” To which the fighter says, “All part of my plan,” as they rub the back of their fight shorts, sniff their hand and say, “I don’t remember eating cabbage.”

However, the reaction in the above video is much better than that. The tensing up. The pained, frozen expression on his face. It almost reminded me of my first intercourse experience. Totally priceless. It looks like he’s either having a stroke, having a seizure, or just plain making a mess of the inside his fight trunks. It could quite possibly be a combination of all three. Which is awesome…as long as you’re not the one stuck doing his laundry afterward.

And since it is a Bloggin’ with Your Balls Edition of Fuck ’em Up Friday, it makes perfect sense to show off a little ball KO action.

Vodpod videos no longer available.

It’s apparently not enough to take a soccer a ball to the stones. The poor kid then takes the ball to the face. That’s a total insult to injury. The nutshot is one knockout that we can all agree isn’t funny. Well actually it’s fucking hilarious, just as long as it’s not happening to you.

Hopefully you’re done cringing and breathing into a brown paper bag long enough to enjoy some knockers.

footballofsexiness

In case you ever had an interest to see what child birth looks like in reverse, image searching the phrase “sexy football” will yield you that result. But instead of a child, it’s a Nerf football. It’s awesome, and by awesome I mean disturbing. I never knew those foam balls could get so small. If only there was a way to un-see some things that didn’t involve me having to drive a stake through one of my brain lobes.

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