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The American Huntress. Apparently.

October 14, 2009

So I was paging through the cable guide trying to find something awesome to watch, and I happened upon this gem: The American Huntress. Based on the logo you would think it’s a show full of chicks with huge tits, running around with rifles, pouring water down their cleavage in the hot Savannah sun, moaning about how badly they want to strip down and then bake you a pie.  This is not the case.

Lookin' sexy!

Lookin' sexy!

You know how sometimes your mom thinks she’s going to pick up a new hobby, like Taebo, or knitting, or blowjobs?  This is kind of like that, except with rifles and lots of inane rambling.  For instance, Linda just shot a Gemsbok in Africa.  Whatever the shit that is.  And then she caressed it and mumbled a bunch of crap about how beautiful and strong the Gemsbok bull is.

The show’s homepage has an amazing montage, featuring music that I’m pretty sure is featured in the Thunder In Paradise soundtrack.  Then there’s a special segment called The Diana Files where they talk about a special huntress in history.  This portion of the show would be way better if it was talking about cougars.  The slutty kind, though – not the furry kind.  Unless of course you love jungle bush.

Thats A LOT of pussy for one picture.

That's A LOT of pussy for one picture.

So if you want to learn about the effects of menopause on nature, you can find it on the Sportsman Channel (SPCHN) at 11 PM Eastern.  I’m welcoming someone to turn this into a drinking game.  Like…every time they hit a mark you take 5 drinks…or if they kill it in one shot, you shotgun a beer…or like when they talk about how beautiful something is you just go smash your face into the wall. You could also just go to the bar and play Big Buck Hunter, and I’m pretty sure that’s the same thing except way better because you might get to take the third ugliest girl from the bar home.  Yeehaw.

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3 Comments leave one →
  1. The Honz permalink
    October 14, 2009 10:13 pm

    Hey I once took the BARTENDER home from a long night of Big Buck Hunter. Adam FTW.

  2. October 15, 2009 8:17 am

    There are so many gems in this article I don’t even know where to begin. Cougar Town, Jungle Bush, Lotta Pussy … It’s like a James Bond movie cast of characters.

  3. Sandy Appleby permalink
    February 16, 2010 2:45 pm

    This woman is pathetic! Snore…it’s like she’s re-living her abandoned childhood.

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