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The Morning After Pill

October 12, 2009

The Morning After Pill is our daily recap of the goings on in the sporting world. Certain teams and sports are left out due to either lack of caring or an extreme hangover. Maybe a weak hangover also, we’re kind of soft like that.

NFL: Well of course it happened this way. I had real live actual money on the Jags beating the banged up Seahawks, and I was sure it was a brilliant idea. Sure they were small underdogs on the money line, but they came into the game on an impressive performance and the Hawks came into the game off a whuppin. That and they were really banged up, but Matt Hasselbeck returned proved that he is a real QB or something. The Hawks cruised to a 41-0 win as Hasselbeck threw for 4 TD’s. Tony Romo wasn’t as confused as he was last week when he didn’t realize he was on fourth down. This week he realized that he was in fact playing in the fifth, or overtime, quarter of the game versus the Kansas City Chiefs. The Chiefs stormed out to a big lead before allowing Dallas back into the game. Kansas City stormed back with a late TD, but wimped out in going for OT instead of trying for the two point conversion and the win. Considering that they’re both about a 50% chance, they made the wrong choice. Dallas threw to this weeks soon to be most sought after waiver wire pickup, Miles Austin, and he scored the winning TD. On the day he had 10 receptions for 250 yards and 2 TD’s. In what’s sure to be labeled as a between teacher and student by all lazy reporters such as myself, Denver beat New England in overtime to move to 5-0. Orton proved to be a player that people should have maybe picked up for Fantasy Football as he threw for 330 yards and 2TD’s. The big upset of the day was the Bengals defeating the Ravens. I don’t care what you think, it’s my upset of the day so there. Carson Palmer threw the winning touchdown at the end of an 80 yard drive that was powered by Baltimore penalties. Stupid Ravens, I’m sure Xmas Ape is happy though.

College Football: Colorado coach, Dan Hawkins, benched his son Cody Hawkins, after throwing his 9th interception in 5 games. Colorado fans are rejoicing over this but whatever, the Buffaloes haven’t been relevant since Hawkins took over as coach. The Texans could be in tough shape for the Red River Shootout. Both of their top two running backs went out with injuries. The Southern Miss punter who was shot in his home on Friday, has died according to a report published on ESPN. He was the second string punter, and the police are treating it as either an accident or suicide.

MLB: Hahahahahahahahahaha. Ok, let me catch my breath here. Hahahahahahahahaha. The Red Sox got swept by the Angels last night. The Angels, scored three runs off Papelbon as they beat the Sawx by a score of 7-6. Sox fans are going to go back to only caring about the team that they’ve had since 2001, the Patriots. The Yankees made quick work of the Twins as they finished the sweep, winning 4-1. The loss makes the Metrodome the 5th stadium in 100 years to finish its existence with a post-season loss. The Rockies and Phillies game tied the record for the coldest game ever to occur in a post-season game. The game time temperature was an almost cold 35 degrees. Football once again proves how much manlier it is than Baseball, as they play games in much colder temperatures. The game ended in a score of 6-5 for Philadelphia as the Rockies left two men on base in the ninth inning.

NHL: The Canucks defeated the Stars in shootout, by a score of 4-3. They even did it without “star forward” Daniel Sedin, who’s out for 4-6 weeks with a broken foot. The Mayor of Quebec City, met with NHL Commissioner, Gary Bettman, to talk about getting a team. Bettman wouldn’t promise anything, but said that if they did build a new arena and a team were for sale he would definitely consider them.

Soccer: Some of the “higher ups” at Arsenal, have claimed that Arsene Wagner must win Silver this year or face his outing. The team hasn’t won a championship of any kind in 4 years. Tough times I guess, facing a whole 4 years without a title. Right now Cubs fans, want to burn England down. England will be without striker Wayne Rooney, when they face Belarus in World Cup qualifying. It’s Belarus though, and I’m sure they’ll survive.

Fanbase on Suicide Watch: Boston fans. The Patriots lost in overtime, and the Sox got swept by the Angels.

Gratuitous Semi-Naked Female “Athlete”:

Scuba is a sport right?

Scuba is a sport right?

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