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F(*)(*)k ’em Up Friday: Sloppy Seconds Edition

October 9, 2009

Fuck ’em up Friday is a weekly post that occurs, you guessed it, every Friday. Bringing you some of the best knockouts, submissions, and knockers that the inter-webs have to offer. It’s basically my way of glorifying violence, as well as giving in to the urges of my pre-pubescent inner child. Yeah, that’s how I roll.

Vodpod videos no longer available.

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The downside to having a designated post that revolves around men senselessly beating the bejeebus out of each other is that most MMA events take place over the weekend. So if I post a knockout or a submission from the previous weekend you’ve probably already seen it and I’m just passing out sloppy seconds.

If that is the case for the above video I apologize. And by apologize I mean stop being such a MMA snob. Awesome knockouts never lose their appeal, no matter how many times you’ve seen them. They are the nutshot video of our generation.

And if that video doesn’t warm your cockles, then take a gander at this sweet submission.

Vodpod videos no longer available.

Let’s see…Hmmm….Having your arm ripped from its socket is definitely no good. You can bet your sweet ass I would tap in a heart beat if it meant saving my arm. That is unless they’ve found some way to implant a cybernetic arm in place of the old one. Like a Terminator arm. Maybe one with a built in rocket launcher or some kind of cooling device that could keep my whiskey and diet coke chilled. That would be amazing and I’m adding that to my birthday wish list. Sigh But I digress.

Now I’m not sure how or why the black dude in the video didn’t tap. That kimura looked like it was locked in pretty tight. He either has balls the size of grapefruits, a high tolerance for pain, freakish flexibility or quite possibly a combination of all three. Regardless, if you’re the Asian dude you have to figure that you have this match won. That is until Black dude spins around and locks in his own submission. Now you’re left with a choice: Tap or spend the rest of your life exclusively masturbating with your right hand?

Based on my ability to read lips I was able to transcribe the following conversation that took place while those two sweaty guys rolled around on top of each other.

Asian Dude: You tap?
Black Dude: Na dawg. I’m cool.
Asian Dude: You awfry carm fol a guy who about to have alm bleak.
Black Dude: I’m cool. I’m gonna submit you in like 2 seconds with an arm bar.
Asian Dude: Bellowing laughing Alm bar? You joke, light? Haha No way in herr.
(Black dude spins over around, locks in armbar)
Asian Dude: Alm bar!!! Nooo!!!
Black Dude: Told ya dawg.

Well maybe my lip reading is a little non-existant rusty. So sue me.

Asian Dude: Bleasts? Bleasts!

sexylingerieAnd for those aspiring to be professional MMA fighters here’s a video that might serve to teach you the inner workings of how to do an arm drag against a beautiful, naked woman.

Is she beautiful because she’s naked or is she naked because she’s beautiful?

Vodpod videos no longer available.

Ummm…uh…Arm drag? Huh? Why the hell are my pants off?

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