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Week 5 of the NCAAF AP Poll

September 28, 2009

Well that was an interesting week/weekend of college football. All sorts of craziness occurred. Mississippi remembered they were Mississippi and lost, Tebow Christ was concussed, the U is not back, Penn State loses to Iowa for the second year in a row, and I won a good percentage of my sport bets. Okay so that last part didn’t happen, but no one is really going to care about that…Except maybe my bookie, but that’s a whole other story.

1. Florida – The Florida Tim Tebows overcame one of the following: the flu, a respiratory infection, or some God sent plague as they dismantled the Kentucky Wildcats. Sadly I took Kentucky +21.5 and will now have to deal with my leg in a cast for the next couple of weeks.

2. Texas -Texas put up a whopping 60+ points this weekend, which is awesome. However, it’s far less awesome when you consider the fact that they played UTEP.

3. Alabama – A 35-7 victory over a conference rival in Arkansas and I could really care less. It’s nothing personal against Alabama, I really just can’t stand Nick Saban. He has what many would consider the essence of douche.

4. LSU – Way to eek out a win against Mississippi State. Next week is gonna be huge for the Tigers as they take on the Gators. I imagine Tim Tebow will be miraculously resurrected by then, which means a LSU loss.

5. Boise St. – It’s no surprise that everyone, and by everyone I mean pollsters, have a towering erection for a Florida/Texas National Championship game. Where does that leave Boise State? More than likely being this season’s Utah, with my money being on them playing in the Sugar Bowl against the SEC’s sloppy seconds.

6. Virginia Tech – If the phrase “Beamer Ball” isn’t copyrighted or trademarked it should be.

7. USC – Imagine you’re USC. You’re coming off of an upset loss to Washington. Do you deal with the defeat by A) Going on a 3 day bender that involves cocaine, alcohol, and hooker strangulation, or B) Beating Washington State.  If you said B then you have the right mentality for righting the ship. If you said A, call me next time you go out.

8. Oklahoma – BYE.

9. Ohio St. – I’d rather receive a vasectomy than talk about Buckeye football.

10. Cincinnati – If Cincy wins the Big East for the second straight year are they really that good or is the Big East really that bad?

11. TCU – A close win on the road against Clemson. The only way that victory would have any less value to it is if you substituted Virginia/Duke in for Clemson.

12. Houston – Did the Houston fans really rush the field after the Cougars won? I know that whole being ranked thing is kind of a new and odd feeling, but Jesus H. Christ play it cool there Cougars.

13. Iowa – I realize that Iowa knocked off the number 5 team in the land, Penn State, but ranking them at 13 seems a tad high.

14. Oklahoma St. – Beating up on a FCS team may boost morale, but it doesn’t erase the fact that you still do not have any sort of defense.

15. Penn St. – Joe Paterno has his undefeated streak broken up by Iowa for the 2nd year in a row. I could really care less, but this loss increases the likelihood of us not seeing another National Championship game involving a Big 10 team.

16. Oregon – Good to see Oregon win something other than an Ugly Uniform Contest or a Sucker Punch Contest.

17. Miami (FL) – Da U is back. Back to where they were before the season started. Also they’re back to square one. Too bad square one starts with Oklahoma this upcoming weekend. Good luck with that.

18. Kansas – Kansas is flying so low right now, and it’s not from the extra fuckton that comes from flying with Mangino.  No one in the media is really talking about them. Or maybe they are and I’m just not aware. I’m not too sure and honestly couldn’t give two shits…

18. Georgia – SEC 1, PAC-10 0.

20. BYU – The Cougars of Mormonville kissed their chances of being a BCS Buster goodbye last weekend. God was displeased and they answered back this weekend by smiting Colorado State. Cookies and punch for everyone! Yay Jesus!

21. Mississippi – Mississippi loses and all is right in my world. Just goes to show that returning players and whatnot don’t necessarily mean shit. Wild Rebel? Fuck off.

22. Michigan – Damn that Big 10 is such a tough conference. Did you see how close that Michigan/Indiana game was? /makes wanking motion.

23. Nebraska – Nebraska celebrated their 300th straight sellout at home. 300 consecutive home sellouts? Jesus there really isn’t anything to do in Nebraska, is there?

24. California – What’s with these high ranked PAC 10 teams blowing their load so early in the season? USC last week and now Cal. Thankfully I didn’t bet on Cal this week. Checks bet slip, definitely bet on Cal Fuuuuuck.

25. Georgia Tech – I really wish Georgia Tech would work on engineering something useful, like an exciting offense.

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