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Morning After Pill: Insomniac Edition

September 28, 2009

The Morning After Pill is where we recap the previous days events in the sporting world. Certain teams and sports are left out due to me not caring about them.

NFL: This is going to be brief due to me doing a more comprehensive NFL recap later. Washington bails out Detroit. Again. See what I did there? I took something topical and made a lame joke out of it. Actually Sports Pickle beat me to that joke, and we have a $1 Trillion Twitter dollar bet on whether Jay Leno uses that joke in his monologue tonight. I have a feeling I may move $1 Trillion into debt tonight. Oh and the Lions beat the Redskins. Peyton Manning must have taken umbrage with being an underdog to Arizona in Sunday Night Football. He went out there and layed a whuppin on the Cardinals last night. Well him and his Defensive line. Queue up the Manning for MVP articles.

College Football: Jesus 2.0(White) is back home and recovering from the concussion that was bestowed upon him by the heathen Kentucky team. For the six of you that haven’t seen the hit that did id yet, here ya go. Baylor Quarterback, Robert Griffin, will miss the remainder of the season with a knee injury.

MLB: I think Peter Griffin said it best when he said, “Yankees Suck.” But they are sadly one of the most popular teams in the world, and masterbatory fuel for Logic, so they’ll continue to get some coverage here. The Yankees clinched their division for the first time since ’06. Oh noes, woe is me Yankee fans. Has it really been three years? Try being a Royals or some other downtrodden franchises fan. The ever dreamy amazing phenom Zach Greinke was at it again. He added to his Cy Young and MVP applications by defeating the Twins, in a game the Royals won 4-1. The White Sox beat the Tigers 8-4 to keep the Twins hopes alive, even though they also lost on the day.

NBA: The NBA be cracking down on Twitter and other social media. It’s not to the draconian extent that the NFL has gone, though the NBA fined Mark Cuban over comments that he made via Twitter. Dirk Nowitzki is ready to get back on the court. He’s putting this offseason behind him, though he says it was his longest offseason ever.

NHL: The NHL season is almost upon us, which is going to put a strain on me. It means two more fantasy teams, one for big money and more writing here and at a to be named other website. Though Wayne Gretzky stepped down as coach of the Phoenix Coyotes and his Father stated he was done with hockey, Steve Yzerman who directs Hockey Canada has called him to ask about his future plans. Big news, yeah I know.

Golf: Though Phil Mickeltits Mickelson won the Tour Championship tournament, Tiger Woods won the overall standings. That means that Tiger got a check for $10 million, which should make a lot hookers feel safer. But guess what Tiger, Imma gonna win $1 Trillion tonight, so suck on that.

Fan base on Suicide Watch: Redskins. You guys lost to the Lions. I don’t think I have to say anything more on the subject, but sorry Washingtonians. And if you know a Redskins fan, you’ve got two options. 1) Take him/her out drinking and console their losses. 2) Take him/her out drinking and push them over the edge so they do something rash. Either way is good I suppose.

Gratuitous Semi Naked Sports Related Woman:

Jessica Gomes for Sports Illustrated

Jessica Gomes for Sports Illustrated

Good God, that’s what they call a bikini these days? A thong and some mud? I totally would’ve been a production assistant on that day.

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