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Use Logic

September 24, 2009

Ok this is a brand new segment of our blog, mostly because no one has ever asked me a question before. Other than: “Can you stop being an asshole?” Well the answer to that is “No.” However, if you need help with anything please use the comment section or email me at and I will respond to the best of my knowledge, especially if I know nothing of the topic in which I’ll go through it logically. Ba-dump-bump.

I’ll start off  by reciting the email.

Dear Logic,

First off, long time reader, first time writer. Secondly, I know you’re probably busy being a highly touted sports blogger and all, but have you seen this dishonorable act in Kansas City? My kid was forced to let this 5’3”, 110 lb. mongoloid score a touchdown! It’s ridiculous. I just can’t believe that coaches would create a situation under a ruse and allow it to affect the official score! That’s what scrimmages are for, God Damn it! This is despicable. I am outraged. My son’s team was going to shut out their biggest rival 49-0 and all of a sudden some windowlicking waterhead is running by normal kids who might catch retard from him.

Coach McEnaney should be booted from football altogether! Letting Down’s patients in football? What’s next? Are we going to let the Jews in Church? No! Not on my watch! That’s a holy place, for Pete’s sake. The worst part of it all, is that my son’s team was posting a shut out! Is nothing sacred? That’s like pitching a perfect game and then the manager on the other team put’s in some kid with retarded fish-frog genes and gets a walk. Are you going to ruin it for that kid? Of course not! So why create some imaginary situation and alter a score of a game? It’s dishonorable, that’s what it is. It’s like slapping in the face to Derrick Thomas right in his face.

Just because his parents sinned and created some demonseed with a drooling problem doesn’t mean my kid shouldn’t be aloud to pad his stats and cause a fumble! I vow to never bet on high school football again after this. You have my word, Logic. Never again. The Under was set at 54! And I lost…

Well, thanks for taking the time to read my letter. I was curious of your thoughts on this pressing matter. Should I send a letter to my congressman? Big fan.


Special Needs Dad

Dear Special Needs,

I don’t know what the hell you were thinking about sending me this link. Honestly. You know it’s too cringe-worthy to stay away but I’m trying to shape up before Gally canes me again. He just hired an enforcer. A 6’3” woman who roller derbies or something. I don’t know, haven’t paid much attention. I hate you, Special Needs.

Actual Play:

That was like visual pollution. I don’t know what’s faker, the defense’s effort or the cheering from the stands. Good for little Ziesel, it’ll be the highlight of his life and he’ll tell everyone else the rest of his life how he scored a touchdown in high school. Way to go, Kansas City. You know how many high fives people are going to HAVE to give this kid and then immediately wash their hands? What the eff is wrong with you? The Waterboy was a movie! You don’t put mongoloids special needs children on the football field! They can get hurt. And if you really want the kid to be happy, why not let him do well on his own athletic talent like the autistic kid who drained the 3 pointers in basketball. Or the other option, NOT LET HANDICAPPED KIDS PLAY SPORTS.

Well, I hope that answered all your questions. Thanks for the letter.

Unfaithfully Yours,


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