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The Morning After Pill

September 24, 2009

The Morning After Pill is where we cover the previous day’s events in the sporting world. Certain teams or sports are left out because I don’t care about them.

NFL: Bostonites can ah err ah rejoice. Wes Welkah may play in this weekend’s Patriots game. Dallas Cowboys lineman Flozell Adams was fined $12,500 for tripping Justin Tuck. $12,500 is a lot to me, but for an NFL player it’s nothing. Is Herr Goodell softening? It seems just like yesterday he was tossing around real fines.

MLB: The Marlins beat the Phillies 7-6 on a late game collapse by Brad Lidge. The win brought the Marlins within 4.5 games of the NL wildcard spot. History has taught me that when the Marlins make the Playoffs they win the World Series, then sell everybody off for pennies on the dollar. So look out, Hanley Ramirez could become available for your favorite team, or the Yankees, next year. Walking ashtray and anger management issue, Bobby Cox, signed a one year extension with the Braves. It will be his 25th year as the Braves manager, and 21st in a row. It will also be his last.

NBA: Yao Ming is encouraged by how his foot is healing. But knowing that he’s like peanut brittle, he says that there’s no chance that he will return for the upcoming season. He wants to give himself the full year to recouperate.

NHL: Olaf “Olie the Goalie” Kolzig is retiring after 14 NHL seasons. He won the Vezina trophy as the leagues best goaltender and carried the Capitals to the Stanley Cup finals, where they lost to the Red Wings. Peter Forsberg just wont die already. He’s making another return to Hockey, but this time he will be playing for Modo in Sweeden. Jim Balsille in his ever desperate attempts to move the struggling Coyotes out of Phoenix and into Hamilton Onario, has amended his proposal. Under his new proposal, the team would play this year in Phoenix and lose it’s customary $30 million before moving to Canada for next year. Jeez Jimmy, you have almost as much skill with the NHL as I have with the ladies. Take a page from my book Jim, drink copious amounts of Scotch and start a website that makes fun of dumbasses in the sporting world.

College Football: ESPN is reporting a story that EDSBS covered three days ago, and that I linked to myself three days ago. So, ESPN is like me but three days behind the times. Suck it ESPN. Oh, you mean ESPN has more than 12 readers, well you win this round corporate giant. Jimmy Clausen is noted in Notre Dame for being a douche. Ask Logic, he’ll attest to that. Well I guess he’s just trying to live up to Brett Favre. He’s giving himself a pre-emptive excuse/out. He says that his Turf Toe could affect his play.

PGA: Even the fat cat world of golf is running into that whole economic downturn thing. PGA commissioner Tim Finchem, says that it’s unlikely the PGA will make it through the next season without losing some corporate sponsorships and therefore some tournaments. What that means to you is, instead of 104 players making a million dollars in the 2008 season, only say 87 will surpass a million in 2010 income. It’s a damn dirty shame when you think about it.

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3 Comments leave one →
  1. lowercase permalink
    September 24, 2009 10:03 am

    12 readers, huh? I think that puts you solidly in the top 10% of all blogs ever.

    • September 24, 2009 10:50 am

      Really? Awesome, now I’m pumped. I don’t even have to go on a Tiger Woodsian hooker killing spree. Though I might.

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