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Morning After Pill

September 23, 2009

The Morning After Pill is our daily recap of what happened in sports yesterday. Certain sports and/or teams are left out due to lack of caring.

kelli_croyleNFL: One of the best things about the NFL is how crazy the fans and coaches of teams get. Even though it’s two weeks into the season some fans are already contemplating suicide while others are laying down their life savings on their team winning the Super Bowl. We all knew Kansas wasn’t likely going to be a powerhouse this season, but it doesn’t mean that their fans/coaches aren’t awfully close to hitting the panic button. Matt Cassel and Brodie Croyle have both started exactly one game this season. Cassell has the big contract, while Croyle gets to go home with this lovely young lady. Croyle played against Baltimore and kept his team in there, throwing 2 TD’s in 24 attempts. Cassel kept his team in there against an actually tough Raider defense, throwing 1 TD in 39 pass attempts. Sure Cassel threw two picks, but he threw them to Michael Huff. Huff is now on pace for 24 interceptions this year, so based on these 2 week over-reactions why don’t we just give Huff the MVP and DPOY right now. Anyways, the point of this is, that though both QB’s have played one game a piece, there’s talk of benching Cassel. Call me a simple Sally if you will, but you can’t make that kind of decision after one game. Maybe Al Davis would, but Kansas is in fact not owned by the corpse of Al. It sounds like new Coach Todd Haley is going to be a little patient after all, but the fact that the idea exists is insane.

College Football: The Florida Gators have kept 6 players away from practice for having flu like symptoms. There’s no confirmed cases of swine flu, but they’re being extra careful as Urban Meyer believes it could ravage the team. As young healthy adults, Swine Flu poses no more of a health concern then does a scraping of the knee. The media needs to quit hyping it to preposterous levels, as that’s the only problem with it.

Incredibly accurate portrayal.

Incredibly accurate portrayal.

Maddox threw down the gauntlet, asking for somebody to give him Swine Flu, so that he could show that it indeed is no more harmful than the regular flu, or a stomach ache. Big News for USC fans. Matt Barkley and Taylor Mays could return as early as Saturday. Mays would be huge for the defense, but people are giving Barkley far too much credit at this point in time.

MLB:They did it. The Yankees are back in the playoffs. They beat the Angels 6-5, to clinch a playoff berth. You really have to feel sad for them as a franchise, I mean they’ve won like what -3 World Series? Fuck those guys and their fans. The Twins beat the White Sox 8-6 to keep pace with the Tigers in the AL Central. I guess we can take their fans off of suicide watch for today. Record alert, Diamondbacks third baseman Mark Reynolds has broken his own record for most strikeouts in a seaons. In the 4th inning of a 10-8 win over the Giants he got his first strike out of the game which gave him 205 on the year, and he added another in the sixth. He’s the only player to get to 200 strikeouts in a year, and now he’s done it back to back. Nothing breeds success like consistency. Oh and for the year he’s batting .266 with 43 Home Runs and 100 RBI’s. Those are some crazy video game numbers. ZOMFG, hunky the awesome Zach Greinke pitched amazing as usual. He pitched 6 scoreless innings as the Royals beat the Red Sox 5-1. In his last three starts he’s 3-0 with a 0.26 ERA, and is 15-8 on the season with a 2.08 ERA. He has two more starts left this year, and will likely win the Cy Young even though he might only have 17 wins. There’s also talk of him winning the MVP, but of course MLB will never give it to him. In a town where the sports teams are the Chiefs and the Royals, Greinke is the only good thing there. Today’s sport town that should commit suicide is Kansas, especially if Greinke doesn’t win the Cy Young. Suicide by taping of the eylelids open and forcing oneself to watch every single Royals game from start to finish.

NBA: Hey why not, we’re buying English Soccer teams. Russian Billionaire, Mikhail Prokorov, has made a takeover bid of $700 fucking million for the Nets. Jesus, the deal would have him provide a loan to fund most of a new stadium and then have a controlling share of the team. Really? Really? In a sport with declining revenue and fan interest, he’s going to dump $700 million for a controlling share of the team? That doesn’t make sense, unless they’re going to throw in free blowjobs for life from the *cough lovely New Jersey women cough*, or a beautiful site seeing tour of the swamps and industrial pollution. Garden State, more like Overturned Outhouse State.

Soccer: Sol Campbell has asked for his release from Notts County, and he received it. He had played one game of a 5 year contract at 40,000 pounds a week. After the game, he asked for his release and then just left the team. He stated that the team hadn’t met promises for spending money on players amongst a few other things. That my friends is balls. Big brass ones.

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