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3PM. Flagpole. Don’t tell Goodell or You’re Dead.

September 22, 2009

I just got home from work and I started doing my random checks on the internet to scour for amusement/stories/porn. What’s one of the first things I see? Chad Johnson taking a page out of my playbook. That page? “When someone in your line of work does something that annoys you, challenge them to a boxing match. In this twitter argument (arguetwit?) Chad says he is going to “Floyd Mayweather Shawne Merriman for 8 rounds” (Note: Paraphrased). Though, I guess I swagger jacked him first. So we’re even now Estebomb…

This Will Surely Have Ramifications.

This Stunt Will Surely Have Ramifications.

The deal is, I guess Ochocinco is trying to catch some double agent Korean spy-tail because he might have picked out the wrong person to antagonize. I mean that’s the only reason. There is no fathomable explanation as to why Ochocinco would call out this man. Oh and that man is Shawne Merriman and he accepts your dainty challenge. For those of you who don’t remember who he is, he may or may not have beaten the bejesus out of some salty Korean harlot and got suspended for performance enhancing drugs.

Logic: I Don't Care. I'd Still Hit It

Logic: I Don't Care. I'd Still Hit It

Yeah that’s her, and no. Not that hit either. The hit hit. The sexy hit. Well she also responded that she is going to be placing a bet on Chad if the fight happens. So not only did she (possibly) get her ass beat for being a drunken mess while threatening to drive Shawne’s car to go sleep with Shawne’s friends… But she’s also a bad gambler that makes stupid bets. Tila, I’ll take action on that bet.I have to admit, she is dropping on my list.

But seriously, Chad? First you jump into the “Dawg Pound” in Cleveland and then the Lambeau Leap and now this? Do you have a death wish? Should I call Charles Bronson? You actually told the guy (possibly still) on steroids with the blue mohawk  and a domestic violence arrest that you were going to break his jaw. I will say sir, I admire your moxie.

That guy is so screwed...

That 85 guy is so screwed...

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5 Comments leave one →
  1. September 22, 2009 8:39 pm

    I realize I’m probably stating the obvious here, so to reiterate: Merriman is an offensive lineman. It’s his job to beat peoples’ asses (she shouldn’t have talked back…). 85 is a mediocre-at-best wide receiver. AT BEST.

    If that jackass put half as much energy into his game as he does running his mouth and gaming with creepers he scopes out on Twitter, he might actually be worth a few fantasy football points. Instead, all he does is spew loads of idiot 19 hours of the day.

    I’ll take Merriman and his ‘hawk FTW.

    • September 22, 2009 8:53 pm

      Last time I checked Merriman was a LB. That means he plays defense and his job is to assault whoever has the ball. It really makes perfect sense. Reminds me a lot of that old Native American story about the boy who comes across a highly poisonous snake. The snake says to the boy, “Young boy please help me. I am badly injured. Could you place me in your pocket and carry me to the other side of the river?” The boy was scared and extremely hesitant. He responded, “You’re a snake. You’ll just bite me.” “I promise I won’t,” replied the snake. The boy carried the snake across the river in his pocket and upon reaching the other side removed the snake and placed him on the ground. The snake then preceded to bite the boys leg. “But you promised you wouldn’t bite me,” yelled the boy. The snake replied, “You knew what I was when you picked me up” and the snake slithered away. Moral of the story? I’m not sure. I don’t actually believe that even fits. Hmmm. Well it felt good to brush up on my Native American story telling.

      • September 22, 2009 9:35 pm

        must’ve been a trouser snake! HIOOOOO

      • September 23, 2009 6:48 am

        Okay so I got his posish wrong (I misread OLB cuz I’m lazy), but it still applies. And the moral of that story is that you should never buy a used car from a guy with two first names. Or have unprotected sex.

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