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The Week 4 NCAAF AP Poll is out.

September 21, 2009

Week 3 of the college football season has wrapped, which means the week 4 (?) AP poll is out. It was definitely an interesting weekend of college football, as we saw several upsets. Before we get to my “expert” analysis, let’s play a quick game of FMK. Leave your choices in the comment section, and in case you’re unsure of what FMK is click here (definition #2).




1. Florida – gatorbikini

I was really disappointed that Florida didn’t come through and vivisect Tennessee, like they had promised. Which would have been extremely bittersweet for me because I highly despise the Gators and more specifically their fans, but Lane Kiffin is such a douche. Regardless, Tebow appeared to be pent up sexually because in non-Tebow fashion he threw one INT and had one fumble.

2. Texas – I thoroughly enjoyed the part where Jordan Shipley returned a punt for a touchdown, startled Bevo the longhorn, which almost resulted in a self goring on Bevo’s horns. Which would have been awesome, and really would have been a testament to the type of detergent that Texas uses. Because if it gets blood stains out of a jersey then grass stains would be no problem.

3. Alabama – crimsontidefans

Am I the only one that when they hear “Crimson Tide” automatically begins to think of a girl having her period?

4. Mississippi –

Dear Mississippi,

You continue to confuse me with this whole bit about being ranked in the top 10 and now in the top 5. Could you please revert back to your old ways so that the natural balance of power in the world is reset? I hear rumblings about the world possibly ending in 2012, and if your winning ways are connected to that I think I speak for the rest of the world when I say stop it. Stop it now.


5. Penn State – I was as disappointed in the score of this game, 31-6 against Temple, as Joe Paterno is when they don’t serve Jell-O pudding for dessert at the old person’s home…He loves him some Jell-O pudding.

6. California – Congrats on currently being the highest ranked PAC 10 team. You have an interesting stretch of games in the coming weeks, Oregon, USC, and UCLA. Good luck with that.

7. LSU – Sadly, down in the bayou there is nothing better to do on a Saturday night, but drink and watch college football. The rest of the year is spent drinking and preparing for Mardi Gras.

8. Boise State – The Fighting Smurfs of Boise State are shaping up to be the only BCS buster left. That’s a lot of pressure…and a lot of blue fucking turf.

9. Miami (FL) –

Fandom or animal cruelty?

Fandom or animal cruelty?

Is the U back? Who knows? Knowing them they’ll win the next two games against Virginia Tech and Oklahoma rise up in the polls some more and then drop a game to UCF or Duke.

10. Oklahoma – Your QB, what’s his face, Not Same Bradford played pretty damn well the other day. I hear he even tied some freshmen passing TD record. That’s cool, I guess, even if it was against Tulsa.

11. Virginia Tech – Squeaked out a win against Nebraska. It wasn’t necessarily pretty, but a win’s a win. That same logic does not apply to sex…Especially when in Blacksburg.

12. USC – Don’t sweat it. You were bound to lose at some point in the season. I just had it pegged for when that little douche QB with the bleach blonde hair was actually playing.

13. Ohio State – My momma always said if you didn’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all…

14. Cincinnati – Still the only Big East team in the top 25, much to my surprise. Not because I think more teams from the Big East should be in the top 25, but more so surprised a team from the Big East is actually ranked.

15. TCU – I have yet to hear the words “TCU” & “BCS buster” used in the same sentence. Will I? shrugs

16. Oklahoma State – Still probably stings a little bit after that Houston loss, right?

17. Houston – They had this week off, which I’m assuming they spent celebrating their high profile victory against Oklahoma State from a week ago. Their next game is against Texas Tech, which means high offense production, next to zero defense, and me not hesitating to bet on any over that isn’t set at triple digits…And even then I will highly consider it.

18. Florida State –


They go from barely beating Jacksonville State last week to stomping a mudhole in God’s team (ie BYU). Did anyone else hear how ridiculous Bobby Bowden sounded during halftime? There’s a Silver Alert going out in Tallahassee, but no one is paying attention. Bobby Bowden 0, Alzheimer’s 1,000.

19. Brigham Young – Obviously not enough Hail Mary’s and Our Fathers the night before. Jesus is very unhappy and they have some serious repenting to do.

20. Kansas – Whose boobs do you think are bigger, Mangino’s or his wife’s? My money is on big sexy.

21. Georgia – When the fuck did Georgia get a high scoring offense? That’s 2 weeks in a row where they’ve amassed 40+ points, and all I can do is scratch my head.

22. North Carolina – Your first ACC test comes next week against Georgia Tech. Here’s a hint, they don’t pass much.

23. Michigan –

At least it's not a penis.

At least it's not a penis.

I guess all those extra practices are paying off.

24. Washington – Somewhere outside of a TGI Fridays is Ty Willingham, sitting on the curb, drinking Popov Vodka from a brown paper bag, mumbling obscenities.

25. Nebraska – Having to husk corn after a loss is one of the saddest moments in a Nebraska fans life.

5 Comments leave one →
  1. September 21, 2009 10:08 am

    F – The UCF girl; clearly she’s a good time, but all that quadruple fisting is going to go straight to her FUPA and she’ll have a saggier face than a bloodhound. Or Joe Torre.

    M – The UF girl; For one, her book is right-side up, which means she’s relatively literate. She’s hot, and she’s classy because she’s wearing glasses AND a tie. Come on. It’s obvious.

    K – The FSU girl; anyone that goes to FSU clearly has a genetic/chromosomal defect [read: missing a few.]

    • September 21, 2009 10:12 am

      I think on the basis of good time alone, all three meet that criteria, but all three vary on level of VD.

  2. CubanPete permalink
    September 21, 2009 12:21 pm

    F- The FSU girl…… that’s the one I’m missing

    M- The UCF girl….. since it’s my alma mater I might as well give ’em a chance

    K- The uf skanks….. If gainesville… I mean Canesville ceased to exist I would not lose a second of sleep over it

  3. September 21, 2009 2:38 pm

    Hmmn, this is much thougher than I thought it would be. The Kill definitely goes to FSU’s Jenn Sterger. Since we’re having sex with the other two, I’m fairly certain that while the sex with Sterger would be AMZAZING so would the STD’s. That and I’ve already seen her in Playboy so there’s that.
    The Florida girl gets the fuck. I almost had her at the kill, because I think she photoshopped that tie on, so she’s a liar and you definitely don’t want to marry a liar.
    That leaves me getting hitched to the UCF girl. Sure she has 4 beers, but they kind of look like 3 different beers. I’m thinking that she’s bringing beers to to other friends, and helping herself to a refill. You got to have a refill at all times, it’s just good drinking sense. I may have an open beer beside me right now, but I also have an unopened on because I don’t want to get up right away. Plus she’s the cutest, doesn’t dress like a whore and the other two have fake boobs and I’m not sure how I really feel about fakies.
    Though if we’re adding the other girls from the post into the mix, it would probably change the rankings except for the kill spot.

  4. September 21, 2009 3:03 pm

    F- FSU because even though I hate saying “2nd favorite team” (because if you have 2 teams, you have no team) I always find myself rooting for the Seminoles and she is damn sexy.

    M- UF because I’m looking to be a stay at home dad and she looks like she can support me. Whether it be physical engineering or bukakke porn.

    K- UCF because face it, she’s fugly and I bet she just pulled those 4 bottles out of her nahnah.

    *note: I assumed VD on every single girl. That did not factor in the decision making.

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