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The Morning After Pill

September 18, 2009

The Morning After Pill is where I review the previous day in sports. Certain teams and sports are left out because I don’t care about them.

NFL: The Jet’s have plans of embarrassing the Patriots this weekend. It seems to me that usually when guys/teams run their mouths off about taking down, embarrassing or annihilating a team, the other team takes offense and comes to town to rape and pillage the offenders women. Good job New Yawk. This one is a day and a half old, but deal with it as my computer was down…. The Chargers likely have to face Baltimore without 3 key offensive starters.

Keeping it classy. This is a sports blog.

Keeping it classy. This is a sports blog after all.

The reason I bring this up is that they list LaDainian “LaToeInjury” Tomlinson as one of their key Offensive players. That offends my senses, as he’s not been key for the last two years. Since Anthony Gonzalez dropped in a heap to the turf with a 2-8 week knee injury(pussies, Belichick would have just said he’s out day to day with indigestion.), the Colt’s have been looking to shore up their receiving core as after Reggie Wayne it’s pretty much rookies. Well fear not drinkers of the Peyton Kool Aid, we’ve signed Hank Baskett. You know what that means? Our first hot celebrity fan, Kendra Wilkinson. Yay.

:NCAA Football: Well it looks like we get to return to the time of cocky insolent We Are The U, Miami University all around general douchieness.

God I'm Awesome. Look how Awesome I am.

God I'm Awesome. Look how Awesome I am.

The Hurricanes are now 2-0 and both shitty opponents that they’ve beaten were highly overrated, albeit ranked, clusterfuck teams. They’ve beaten FSU, and now Georgia Tech. Just because I can’t defend against the triple option on NCAA ’09 doesn’t mean a professional well trained college team with decent coaching can’t.

MLB: Fuck, is this sport still playing? Will the World Series soon be over, so I can forget the disgraceful Toronto Blue Jays and the inevitable fact the Roy “Doc” Halladay is definitely not resigning and going to either the Sawx, Dodgers, Phillies, or the Yanks? I think I just threw up a little thinking of that. The Angels beat the Red Sox 4-3 to end a 7 game win streak. Snapping 7 game win streaks is so last week, when the Rockies had theirs broken. Cole Hamels took a perfect game into the 6th inning as the Phillies beat the Nationals 4-2. Is it just me, or was that way more interesting when Buehrle did that and then some a few weeks ago. Chipper Jones who was lights out last year, has fallen on a mostly year long slump this year. Now he’s thinking of retiring. Maybe we should call Nancy Drew in, this sounds like a case of somebody getting sand in their vagina.

NHL: Kyle Okposo, a first round selection of the New York Islanders in 2006 was taken off the ice on a stretcher after a hit by Dion ” I don’t mind sloppy seconds” Phaneuf of the Calgary Flames. Okposo was later found to have a mild concussion, but he deserves it for fucking me in my fantasy hockey draft last year. Noted alcoholic, and therefore potential blogger, Theoren Fleury made his return to an NHL game after a 6 year hiatus. Sure it was a preseason game, and he’s 41 but he gives hope to midgets everywhere. He scored a goal as the Flames beat the aformentioned Flames.

NBA: The ref’s say a lockout between them and the league is immanent. Whoopity fucking doo. The NBA refs are far and away the most incompetent of all the major sporting officials. Like I said the other day, hire a band of hot actresses to do the officiating and maybe the NBA would be able to outpace the NHL in market growth. On second thought, I like hockey so fuck that idea. Hire Gary Bettman back as maybe an assistant commissioner and watch him drag that league into the ground. Cocksucker.

Tennis: Jubus H.W. Christ, Roger Federer got fined a whopping $1500 for cursing at an umpire. Herr Goodell fines people that for not using league promoted sugar on their cornflakes. Then he fines them again for using cornflakes instead of the sponsored cereal. Now that guys a dick.

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