Serena Williams is a Cranky Pants

HAHA! Gross.

Alright so this is definitely going to be all over the world in tomorrow’s newspapers and probably hit all the blogs about 2 hours ago. I need to speak to it considering my employment with the USTA. I was on the roof taking care of business when (Read as: “trying to understand tennis”) Serena was called for a Double Fault. Then I guess she was penalized by letting the other person get 2 points. Which put Clijtsters up 45-15. Tell me that isn’t weird with a straight face.

It was at this time that the lineswoman or as she’s commonly referred to as, Ms. Swan

A tad racist

ran over to the Judge and said Serena threatened her. Remember, Serena was already warned for “Racket Abuse” which 2 steps below “Child Abuse” but 1 step about “Goose Abuse” which just sounds silly. Serena obviously had said “Are you serious? I’m going to stick this ball down your fucking throat!” or something along those lines. I couldn’t really tell what she said she was going to stick down Ms. Swan’s throat but Punte seems to think it was her “cock”. I’m not sure if she has a cock but it’s either a cock or she has a clit like a slug.

Well after the confrontation and basically a forced forfeit due to all the free points to Clijsters (who looks like she had her face meat tenderized), Serena made her way back to the Woman’s Locker Room which is right by our shop. This is where she screamed and yelled like a diva who dates Terrell Owens. She complained and yelled, cursed and threatened all the way to the locker room. And then it was from their, that she was “kicked out” of the arena.

I saw her in person today and she is one big bitch. Her on TV with gleaming sweat over her back that looks like a road map is even more horribly depressing than seeing her tower over you normally dressed. Her testosterone levels are way above mine. I also saw Clijtsters today. They were the first two players that I’ve seen behind the scenes and they are like Amazon-like creatures. A big nordic woman against a mountain of muscle. Tennis is really weird. And to think Serena won $375,000 tonight and she was this mad.

Poor Maria Sharapova lost early and has resorted to betting that she can’t eat her fist to support herself.

"You Think I Can't Do It?!?"

UPDATE: I guess Serena Williams got naked for ESPN Magazine’s “Body Issue” and I guess that is why everyone has been searching her name and getting this post. So here’s the picture you sick bastards.