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Isn’t Everything Supposed to be Bigger in Texas

August 31, 2009

I'm from Canada, I don't know any better

I'm from Canada, I don't know any better

Everything in Texas is bigger. The cars, the food, the people. It’s practically un-American to have something bigger than it’s likeness in Texas. Why do you think Jerry Jones built him the biggest and bestest of all the stadiums in the land? Well, that has more to do with him being a giant egotistical fuckwad but the point remains. Everything is bigger in Texas. Everything.

Fans of the Houston Texans will disagree with that statement. This year when the Team’s fans showed up to Reliant Stadium for pre-season games, the beer had gotten smaller. Yeah, you read that right, smaller. Last year when fans ordered one of the $7.75 beers, they received 24oz of draught beer. My math skills might not be the greatest this early in the morning, but to a Canadian, that doesn’t sound that bad. After all it’s two regulation can’s of beer for $7.75. At a bar here in Canada, that would cost me probably about $11, barring a sale and assuming domestic beer. That’s with our Canadian dollar buying much less as well.

This year though, the draught beers have been reduced to a measly 20oz for their $7.75. Those bastards. To be fair though, a pint is 16-18 ounces depending on the type of beer. To sidetrack for a minute, I think the thing that blows me away the most is that the minimum wage in Texas is $6.55. I may pay out the nose for a stadium beer here, but my friend that works at McDonalds can afford one with under one hours wage. The minimum wage up here in Alberta is $8.80, in Canadian money. I guess the common fan really is being pushed out of the NFL.

The Texans didn’t publicly announce this factoid, but teams usually don’t announce concession prices in the news. When they were contacted, their VP of Communications, Tony Wylie, said,”If we’d served 24 ounces this year, the price would be higher,” he said. But, he added, referring to the NFL initiative, “Honestly, it was more of a responsibility decision. It wasn’t a business decision. … We as the Texans wanted to do the most responsible thing.”
So it was all Roger “Herr” Goodell’s doing.

It's this big. I swear.

It's this big. I swear.

This year, the league sent out a few “suggestions” that teams cut down on both tailgating and beer sizes, in order to curb “binge drinking”. How am I supposed to enjoy the game that I can’t afford to go to if I don’t get black out drunk and miss the second half. Spoil sport. Pretty soon the cheerleaders are going to be wearing full length clothes, and who wants that?

The Future ex-Mrs. Gally

The Future ex-Mrs. Gally

One Comment leave one →
  1. August 31, 2009 9:47 am

    I’ve actually been to Texas, and in fact everything is not bigger. In many cases they are really compensating for something.

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