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Battle of The Blades: Those Crazy Canadians

August 27, 2009

Jamie SaleBob Probert
Now I know you all think that us Canadians are a kooky lot. We run around on ice with sticks and fight each other in a sport that some of you may know as Hockey. Our football is played with a bigger ball on a bigger field, but we only get three downs. Our beer is far greater than yours, though we pay an arm and a leg for it. The thing that we fail at the hardest though is entertainment.

Our movie industry is you folks filming movies in Vancouver and calling it New York. Our comedians are good, as we’ve produced Jim Carrey, John Candy, Mike Myers, Russell Peters and many more. Our TV is horrendous though. Sure we had The Kids In The Hall and Corner Gas, but it runs thin after that. You can even blame the aborted fetus that SNL is on us. We never had a lot in the way of reality shows though.

With that in mind our national television station, The CBC has created a reality show called Battle of the Blades. The name is truly awesome as it evokes images of Ninja Death Battles or maybe even Hockey player death battles. Well, if you guessed one of those things, you’re partially correct. Unfortunately it’s not the one with the Ninja’s.

I guess by now you’re pumped about Hockey death battles. Unfortunately I have to break your heart. It is a reality show about Hockey players and figure skaters dancing on ice. So it’s dancing with the stars on ice. Even though Bob Probert is in it, they will not be dancing while high on dubious chemicals but rather on frozen water. There’s also the fact that to call most of them stars is rather dubious.

You’re probably thinking that it’s not safe to dance on ice. It’s okay, they thought of that and put them on razor sharp pieces of steel called skates. Well then, that sounds so much safer. I foresee absolutely no problems at all. Other than potentially having someones throat slit open. That won’t be like the movies where it’s cool and awesome though. Remember when this happened?

Sorry about the French, but they were the only ones to show the blood.

The show will pair up actual Women’s Ice Dancer’s with ex Hockey Players, and teach them to work as a skating team.
From CBC

With a combined total of 17 Olympic and World Champion medals, Jamie Salé, Shae- Lynn Bourne, Isabelle Brasseur, Barbara Underhill, Marie-France Dubreuil, Christine Hough-Sweeney, Jodeyne Higgins and Kristina Lenko have reached the pinnacle of success in amateur and professional figure skating. Now these elite athletes face their biggest challenge yet – making eight NHL hockey stars understand the nuances and skill of pairs skating.

Some of those women are completely attractive. So it should have the requisite eye candy of reality TV. The meatheads that they will be paired with are

NHL Hall of Famer and six-time Stanley Cup winner Glenn Anderson [ed note: loser], legendary enforcers Tie Domi [ed note: douche basket] and Bob Probert [ed note: crazy asshole], two-time Stanley Cup-winner and Hockey Night in Canada analyst Craig Simpson and two-time Stanley Cup winner Stéphane Richer will go head-to-head in this fierce competition.

They will be joined by Claude Lemieux, Ken Daneyko and Ron Duguay.

Tie DomiShae-Lynn Bourne

The whole spectacle will be Hosted by Hockey Night in Canada Host Ron MacLean and former 4 time World Champion figure skater Kurt Browning. It will be filmed in front of a live studio audience at Toronto’s Maple Leaf Gardens. The competition will air for 7 weeks and begins in October. As for me, I couldn’t care less. Unless of course Tie Domi gets decapitated.

P.S for sticking around you get this:shae-lynn bourne

2 Comments leave one →
  1. September 22, 2009 7:11 am

    Check this out, one cool show that is starting in Canada Oct 4th, called the Battle of the Blades. Staring a lot of great Canadian talent, best yet is my wife Jodeyne is skating in it with Ken Daneyko from the New Jersey Devils. If you will, become a fan of theirs because they are trying to win $100,000 for the charity called (The Foundation for Fighting Blindness). Thanks so Much and hope you become a fan of theirs. You can sing up from all over the world. Please don’t be a stranger! See you there!



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