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Plaxico Burress to spend next two years being passed around prison yard like a pack of cigarettes…

August 20, 2009

In prison being a “wide receiver” has a totally different meaning…

Well it seems that former New York Giants’ wide receiver and 2nd Amendment supporter Plaxico Burress will not be playing football anytime soon. Plaxico instead will be heading down the path toward salvation and rehabilitation, much like Michael Vick and Donte Stallworth before him. The kind of salvation and rehabilitation that can only come from being confined in an 8 by 8 cell, fighting for your life on a daily basis, and making sure to never ever drop the soap. Yep, prison baby.

Burress pleaded guilty to criminal possession of a weapon, but that’s really only because there is no legal charge against someone for accidentally shooting themselves. However, you can be labeled a dumbass, become a possible recipient of a Darwin Award, and in Plaxico’s case get two years in prison.

Don’t inmates tend to like guys with a lankier build? His cellmate is going to love him.

Let’s face it folks the only thing Plaxico Burress is guilty of here is wearing sweat pants in a club. I mean how the hell did he even get in to the club in the first place. If the bouncer was properly doing his job this whole fiasco would have been totally avoided.

In my opinion the only positive out of this whole going to jail and having other men force themselves on you situation is for Burress to possibly parlay his prison stint in to HBO’s next season of Hard Knocks. Think about it people. It would be perfect. Guest appearances could include NFL athletes like Donte Stallworth and Chad Johnson Ochocinco coming to the prison to keep Burress’ morale up. Maybe Michael Vick and Tony Dungy could even stop in to give an inspirational talk. There could even be an episode where he gets shanked in the cafeteria. That would be some drama. I’m just saying.

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