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Exclusive Tiger Woods Interview

August 18, 2009

Tiger Sad

Good afternoon folks. I’m gally and today I sat down with Tiger Woods to discuss life, love and the 2009 PGA Championship.

Gally: Good afternoon Tiger. I’m glad you could be here.
Tiger: Good afternoon gally. I’m happy to be here.
Gally: How’s Elin and the kids?
Tiger: Oh they’re great. Things are great. Couldn’t be happier. In fact we’re thinking of having another child.
Gally: Really? That’s fantastic. Congratulations!
Tiger:  Thank you.  You know it’s  a great time to be alive.
Gally: Wow, you sure seem happy.
Tiger: Of course. I’m wildly successful at wht I do, I love my job and my family.  And of course I’m wealthy enough that my family never has to worry about their financial future.  I have absolutely mo reason to not be happy.

Gally: Well that’s a great outlook. So this weekend doesn’t bother you?
Tiger: What? Why?
Gally: Well, you did just lose the PGA Championship.
Tiger: [grumbles]
Gally: It was the first time that you lost a major when holding or sharing the lead after the third round.
Tiger: [mumbles]
Gally: And you lost to the 110th ranked player in the world, Y.E Yang. Add in the fact that you lost the other 3 majors to none ranked higher than 31st, and you’ve got to be a little down.
Tiger: [growls]
Gally: I mean that’s gotta have you a little down. It can’t feel good right?
Tiger: Well you know it feels great, you cocksucker. How the fuck do you think it feels you fucking oyster ditch?
Gally: Wow, sorry Tiger I didn’t thin…
Tiger:  That’s right you cock slut, you didn’t fucking think.
Gally: I’m sorry.
Tiger: That’s right you’re sorry you fucking middling twat.
Gally: I didn’t mean..
Tiger: That’s right you didn’t mean. Do you know what you are to me you Fuck Wad?  Nothing, that’s what you fucking mean. I could buy and sell you and your whole family for fuck sakes.
Gally: Sorry Man, I didn’t mean..
Tiger: Of course you didn’t mean, you useless piece of fucking cunt lint.
Gally: Tiger, I didn’t mean to upset you. I only meant to see if I could get in your head. Feel what you feel.
Tiger: How in the cock wallet motherfuckng slutty shit do you mean you want to feel what I feel?
Gally: Uh, what?
Tiger: That’s right motherfucker. What! Say what motherfucker!
Gally: Nevermind.
Tiger: You pussing out you fucking bitch.
Gally: No Sir, I just wanted to feel you out
Tiger: You a fag?
Gally: No Sir!
Tiger: Well, you sound like one.
Gally:  I guess I just wasn’t sure how to respond to you with you being so upset.
Tiger: God Fucking Dammit You Fucking Cocksucker. I Fucking Hate You.
Gally: Ummn, sorry?
Tiger: Fuck you!
Gally: Tiger, I think you need to calm down. Maybe go home to your wife and kids or seomething.
Tiger: You think I don’t know that you worthless cunt?
Gally: No sir, I wasn’t implying that.
Tiger: Fuck this.  I’m out.  It’s time to recharge the batteries.
Gally: I think that’s probably for the best Tiger.
Tiger:  I need to get my edge back.  Cocaine maybe?
Gally: …
Tiger:  I’ve got it, I know how to get my grove back!
Gally:  How’s that sir?
Tiger:  Fuck you dumbass!
Gally:  What?
Tiger:  I’m going to fuck and kill a hooker, that will get my grind back.  She’ll be like, “Oh my God, you’re Tiger Woods. I’m gonna do this one for free!”. Then I’m going to violate her in every possible way. Cleveland steamer, blumpkkin, gorilla mask, rear admiral. The whole nine yards.
Gally: Blumpkin?
Tiger: Dumbass, it’s when you get blown while taking a shit. I got an amazing idea, I’m going to combine it with the Cleveland steamer. I’m going to call it The Sandusky Brick Shithouse. Then when she leans in for a kiss at the end, I’ma strangle the bitch till she stops breathing.
Gally: What the fuck sir, you have a wife, and a hot wife at that?
Tiger: Fuck you, you shit hammer. I fucking know I have a wife. She’s hotter than any woman you’ll ever get you fucking clown…… Wheres my fucking goddamn blow you fucking ninny.
Gally: Sorry Sir,
Tiger:  I’ll Fucking Rape your face Motherfucker!!!
Gally: I guess this interview is over
Tiger: I’ll tell you when this is…
Gally:  Goodnight all
Tiger:  Fuck You! You Insolent Fucking Cunt. God Damn Cock Wallet Mother…….

Sorry Folks, at this point I got up and ran away. I feared for my life.

11 Comments leave one →
  1. August 18, 2009 8:20 pm

    The cocaine definitely explains why he is always smiling…Probably because he can’t feel his face.

  2. gally82 permalink*
    August 19, 2009 4:57 am

    He had me at Cunt lint… I don’t know why, but it makes me laugh every single time.

  3. August 19, 2009 5:16 am

    Not sure your bs does anything? He is a great American who is doing a lot as a role model for youth, and who loves this country by his actions. Not sure you guys are even up to being hoboes?

    • gally82 permalink*
      August 19, 2009 5:47 am

      Well I’m beyond happy that you took the time to read the article that’s labeled as SATIRE and unneccessary profanity, and then decided to critique it as bull shit that doesn’t accomplish anything. Bravo good sir. For all your talk of good Americans, I don’t really believe that a guy with the avatar of Dick Nixon has the right to scold someone for I guess you’re saying I’m un-American. Dick Nixon was horrible scum sucking swine. As for not being a Hob0, well I’m suppose I’m happy to be gainfully employed in this economy. Glad I could make your day though. Toodles.

      • August 19, 2009 8:18 am

        Is this his attempt at panhandling? Because I am not impressed…

  4. August 24, 2009 4:35 pm

    I guess you could say, he had the “eye” of the tiger?

    No, I know. I know my way out.

    • August 24, 2009 4:44 pm

      I kept pressing the button, but nothing happened. I think it might be broken.

  5. gally82 permalink*
    August 24, 2009 6:26 pm

    I also reccomend

    • August 24, 2009 6:32 pm

      Maybe if you spent less time today being hungover and playing on you would have posted some damn Blogkakke.

      • gally82 permalink*
        August 24, 2009 7:27 pm

        I’m sorry. I had some sand in my vagina. I didn’t want it to turn into a pearl so I had to get it out. It was really deep in there so I had to really work on it. Next thing you know, it was time for work.

        • August 24, 2009 7:36 pm

          Good call. You don’t want to get a yeast infection.

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